Do we teach by talking or by showing?  This has been shown to be by showing.  Kids watch what we do to see if me mean what we say.  Too many times they see us say one thing and do the exact opposite.  This causes confusion, especially when they are young and can not reconcile it within themselves.  This causes them to try to do whatever to see if they can make sense of the response that they get then.  Most of the time this is behavior that is very inappropriate for the moment.  That way they do get our attention.

Our inconsistency carries over to how we drive.  We are setting standards of conduct on the road anytime we have a child in the car with us.  If we speed, why should we expect them to drive slowly when they start to drive?  If we cut in and out in traffic, how can we expect them to do otherwise?  Just because we say so!!

We teach them to respect others with our words and then cuss out the boss or some fellow employee when we get home.  We say that they are not to loose their temper and then turn right around and loose it with them.  We say respect others and then do not with them.  Do we trust them?  Or are we running a military camp?  Do we say that we trust them and then go into their room as soon as they leave?  Kids can tell when you have been in their room and they have not invited you.  It changes the feel of the room, because you are entering like a burglar.  Why do people have a problem living in a place that they were burglarized?  Children before the age of 6 at the latest can sense your feelings.  And they have developed their attitude towards you by then.  If you have had a good relationship before then, you will have a good one the rest of their life.  There may be some apron string cutting around puberty, but other then that, you should have a good relationship.  Even then, if you have maintained good communication between you and the child, you will have it then also.

We forget that they want respect from you just as much as you want it from them.  Do you teach them by action that they are a bother by telling them to go into the other room and leave you alone to watch TV?  Do you tell them by action that their homework is not important because you have a special assignment that is due tomorrow and you have to get it done, so tell them that this is more important then theirs.  Do you silently tell them that they can not do anything by telling them that they can not even watch you work on the car or bake or do other items around the house?

And parents, do you tell the child that they are not wanted at all by being very disappointed when you find out the child is not the sex that you wanted.  Even if this is before birth, when you get the first sono-gram.  More children, especially female children come into the world feeling that they are not wanted that way.  Oh, you may try to cover it up, but the actions speak louder then any words.  So many times the female will try to satisfy the parents by disregarding her sex and try to become like a boy or will cut off her femininity to not bring attention to it.  Either way, she will have a lot of grief and guilt later in life.  Grief for not being able to do what was wanted and guilt for being a girl.

How many times have we told our sons that we are ashamed of them by our actions because they want to pursue art or English or some other soft science instead of the more ‘manly’ occupations?  Because the boy wants to pursue art and the girl wants to please the family, she will step into the ‘manly’ items, but at what cost to her later? 

How many times have we ruined a life by insisting that the child take over the family business?  After the parent passes on, the child looses the business do to not really wanting to operate it subconsciously.  By then it is too late and they have a giant size guilt trip that in many cases causes the child to commit suicide by either killing themselves outright or by taking the longer but more acceptable route of getting a life threatening disease and dying.

How many times have we fondled a child inappropriately and caused untold damage later in life when they are trying to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex?  We learn our trust of the opposite sex by age six.  That is why you see so many young people marrying the wrong type of person, because that person comes the closest to being emotionally like that parent was to them as a child.  Why do husbands and wives go back to the same person who beat them and put them in the hospital?  It is what they were taught at home by their parents.  That is all you can expect in a marriage.